“Shall we play a game?”
“How about global thermonuclear war?”
- War Games (1983)
In the 1983 movie, WarGames, Matthew Broderick’s character unwittingly hacks into a defence department AI system and sets off a nuclear war simulation with all too real consequences. The AI is designed to learn how best to respond to nuclear attacks but some wires get crossed and it starts wanting to play with real nukes. The situation is defused when it finally figures out that there are no winners in a nuclear free-for-all and stops the launch sequence. The computer realized it was playing a sucker game; one that was set up in such a way that it could not win.
Sucker games are everywhere. Fortunately, most of them do not involve nukes but the impact on lives can still be severe. Revenge feuds are a dramatic example. One person hurts another leading to retaliation. The retaliation kicks off its own response, leading to an endless cycle of hurt benefiting no one (except perhaps the lawyers involved). Another example is when people go down a path that has ended poorly for pretty much everyone else that has taken that route. The city of Las Vegas is pretty much built on a burial ground of dreams like this. Sucker games show up in business (“I know he’s done some shady stuff before but this opportunity is too good to pass up”), at work (“we’d like you to take responsibility for this can’t-fail project even though we won’t give you the resources or time to get it done right”) and in love (“I’m sure I can change him”). Once you start looking out for them, you see them everywhere.
So why do so many seemingly rational people play games they cannot win? Why run headlong into a situation that is stacked against you? Is it just hubris? I think the primary way people get sucked in is by not realizing they have made the first move. Imagine you are at a bar with your friends. You accidentally bump into some meathead. You’re immediately apologetic but he does not stop shouting insults at you. You feel humiliated and start to get riled up by the unfairness of his reaction. You have a choice - yell back at him or apologize and walk away. If you chose door number 1, welcome to the sucker game of a possible bar fight. If you lose, you get a black eye or worse. If you win, you spend the night in jail. Congratulations!
So how do you prevent getting into sucker games? The best case scenario is you have time to think before getting into the scenario. A classic example is your boss offering you a high-risk critical project without adequate resources or support and nothing more than an attaboy and a hearty slap on the back. This is called being set up to fail. If you are dumb, you charge forward with nothing but grit and optimism and join the pile of corpses of those that have died trying. If you are smart, you help your boss understand the risks and figure out a plan to mitigate them. If your boss is unwilling to face up to the challenges, then you figure out your plan to get out of that situation as quickly as possible. Thinking ahead is always a good way to anticipate and side step sucker games.
You should also get good at recognizing patterns. Have other people consistently failed in the same manner doing this thing? If so, perhaps some caution is called for. So often, people in the entertainment industry get rich and famous and then the “famous” part starts to mess with them. They have difficulty in relationships (“do they want me for me or what I can do for them?”) and their insecurities take on a new life. If you are trying to make it in show business, you should proactively spend some time figuring out your mental health given the well documented stresses that come with the industry. There is a similar pattern with people in sports and finances (or lack thereof in their post-career lives). If you pay attention, you will spot the patterns for the environment you are in regardless of whether you are a school teacher, stay at-home parent or rock-and-roll god.
So what happens if you find yourself already in a sucker game? What now? The good news is that you recognize your predicament. You have looked at the path you are on and realized it is not going to end well. The first rule of holes is that when you find yourself in one, stop digging. The hard part is realizing that any new investment in that game is making you worse off and you need to stop and change course right now. This takes effort and very often a sublimation of your ego. Sometimes what it takes is an apology, even when you are not totally wrong. Even the Good Book1 suggests that if you realize you are in a feud with someone, you are better off skipping church to find the person and make amends. This is not to suggest becoming a doormat but also not to be driven by your ego, blind ambition or attachment to sunk costs.
The reality of life is you almost cannot avoid being drawn into a sucker game every now and then. The best you can do is to reduce your exposure to them and reduce your time spent playing them. The more you practice, the better you will get at spotting them and minimizing the damage they cause.
“A strange game. The only way to win is not to play.”
- WarGames (1983)
Matthew 5:23-24